As a business student, our teachers are constantly encouraging self-evaluation. As an entrepreneur, we are to evaluate ourselves critically and endlessly on loop.
If I want to succeed in making sustainable change and developing solid community based initiatives, I need to continue modeling the behaviour I want to see in the world. Small, sustainble changes are the best ways to develop habits.
I’m zoning in on areas that have been barriers to communication, confidence, credibility, compassion, and composure.
“Vulnerability is the antidote to shame.” – Brené Brown
I will stop:
- Making excuses for bad behaviour instead of sitting with the discomfort of being wrong. I’m going to mess up. I’m going to hurt people. I’m going to disappoint people. You might as well. Learning to sit with discomfort & own our errors is humbling, but I think it usually leads towards humility and growth.
- Using ableist language – particularly when vilifying mental illnesses & contributing to the stigma. If you aren’t a doctor who is treating someone & being paid to diagnose a human, don’t ascribe clinical disorders when you mean to infer bad behaviour. Examples include but are not limited to: crazy bitch, sociopath, psychopath, OCD.
- Wishing harm on people. Sometimes humans fuck up. We are all fallible. The less you think you are at risk for perpetrating abuse, the bigger your blindspot becomes. I want to learn to show compassion & empathy for those who cause harm. I know it’s not always possible, but wishing violence & assault on the perpetrator of assault – while a valid feeling to have – is extremely problematic. It adds to a culture of toxicity and violence insted of harm reduction and elimination of violence.
- Lying. Primarily for me with regard to meeting deadlines, sending emails, and returning phone calls when I say I will. I try not to think of it as lying, but actually, when I say I’ll do something and I don’t, I’m lying, breaking foundational trust and reliability usually with people I care a lot about. I could attribute much of it to mental health, or even being “busy” but…see #1.
- Overcommitting. I want to do all the things. As a 29 year old who never envisioned life past 20, this is hard, I often feel like if I don’t do the thing immeditely I will die, or someone else will die, or the building will burn down, or…see? Dysregulated brain doing dyregulated things! This is one area I’ve made vast improvements on in my life. I have significantly reduced my committments, and have ample time budgeted for solo reflection, writing and other forms of self care. This has been a priority to me, and it’s paying off.
I’m full of imperfections, but perfection is not what I strive for. I strive for excellence, care, and compassion. Inwards & out.
Anyone who knows me well will have heard me whine “I just want people to stop treating people crappy.”
So I’m starting from the inside, and working my way out. If we all work together, I think we could some day eliminate violence. Maybe not in my lifetime. But I’m already ten yers ahead of where I ever thought I’d be so…who knows?
evolutionofcassielou 