Got this from http://polytripod.blogspot.com/2011/10/poly-myers-briggs.html and wanted to check in with where I’m at these days.
“Speed” axis: How quickly do you form connections/relationships in general?
[X] Fluid- more rapid in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
[ ] Growth- deliberate in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
[ ]Static- slow moving in forming emotional and/or sexual connections.
Considering how I generally feel about relationships and longevity, I often want to spend as much time with person as I can, because like…why wait to have more joy and passion in my life?
“Structure” axis: How would you describe your ideal poly relationship structure?
[X] Open- People come and go at will forming “polycules” which consist of individual dyadic relationships.
[ ] Network- People often connect socially with metamours. Some sort of “get to know you” is usually requested or offered early on in becoming part of the extended group.
[ ] Closed- Approval of existing members needed before new member is allowed to join.
“Attitude” axis: What level of entanglement is desired with partners and/or metamours?
[X] Independent- Prefers to do their own thing with their own partner .
[X] Community- Enjoys being part of socially connected groups some of the time.
[ ] Family- Actively prioritizes shared time and/or space with partners and metamours.
I yearn for community and family, but my current situation is that of independent relationships. I tend to take my partners’ lead in this area.
“Intimacy Style” axis: How is romantic closeness with others achieved? More than one may apply.
[X] Sexual – Connects with others via sharing physical intimacy.
[X] Emotional – Connects with others via sharing feelings.
[X] Activities and Shared Experience- Connects with others via sharing experience and spending time together.
Prioritization Axis:
[ ] Hierarchical- priority is given to the preservation of existing primary relationship/s.
[X] Weighted- some relationships are prioritized over others, but open to changes, adding an additional primary, etc.
[ ] Egalitarian-committed to not prioritizing some relationships over others.
Prioritization to me means being certain to allocate a certain amount of time to certain people over certain periods of time, all other things being equal. I have some weekly commitments, with a daily messaging component, and some folks the expectations fall in the twice-a-year spectrum. These are all weighted based primarily on a mutual desire to spend similar amounts of time together.
Relationship Saturation Axis:
What would your ideal relationship concentration look like?
[ ] Full-boat- completely satisfied with current relationship(s). Prefer relationships to dating.
[X] Open to opportunities to connect-neither closed off to forming new relationships, nor actively looking, but being closed to possibilities would feel restrictive.
[ ] Actively seeking new partner(s)? Looking for new connections regardless of current partner status. Consistently open to dating and exploration.
I would always like to have the freedom to be open to new possibilities and potential loves. I find the organically developed relationships to often be the ones that stick the longest.
Nature or Nurture Axis:
[X] Born Poly- Came out of the womb hardwired for multiple relationships. Being monogamous would feel unnatural.
[ ] Poly by Choice- Poly makes sense, and is a desired style of relationship for a myriad of reasons. Unlikely to get into a monogamous relationship.
[ ] Mono or Poly- Happy being open to either poly or mono, depending on circumstances in life, if current partner is open to poly, etcetera.
I think of my polyam status as inherently a part of me as my bisexuality. It’s part of me. I struggle dating monogamously inclined folks, due to previous exp.
Flow of Information Axis:
[ ] Confidential- No desire to hear about other partners/activities with and/or have information about the relationship they are involved in shared with metamours, unless explicitly approved in advance.
[X] Pertinent- Don’t need to have all the details, but want to have personally relevant information shared.
[X] Transparency- Desire the free flow of information about all relationships partners are involved in, and are comfortable with partner sharing that with metamours.
I want to tell you everything. And I want to know everything. There are some exceptions that can be made, I suppose, but I generally lean towards more information is better and have zero tolerance for lying. Pertinent details are the bare-minimum requirement for me to feel safe giving informed and enthusiastic consent.
Formality Axis:
[ ] Detailed- extensive agreements/contracts covering every eventuality.
[ ] General- conscious agreements about a few major subjects.
[ ] Short-term- temporary agreements only.
This doesn’t apply much to me at this time. I am striving for fluidity, and focusing on expressing in earnest any changes in my hopes or expectations with any romantic or intimate partner as they arise. This allows for maximization of communication and ensuring everyone is on the same page.
Poly and Kinky Axis:
[X] Poly, then kinky in relationship style.
[ ] Kinky, then poly in relationship style.
[ ] Poly, and not kinky in relationship style.
I can date someone who isn’t kinky with zero problems, but I cannot date someone who is not poly.
Voting Rights Axis:
[ ]Veto is part of my relationships.
[ ]Veto is part of my relationships, but only in early stages where emotional investment is low.
[X]Veto isn’t part of my relationships. Ever.
Veto powers are easy to misuse, abuse, and use as tools to avoid growing our communication skills in relationship development. They almost always in my experience cause more harm than good.
evolutionofcassielou 